So what sparked on my decision to get a blog? I’ve always been an avid journal writer. I found great comfort in the pen (and more recently, keyboard) particularly through my teenage years. I wrote mainly to vent, mainly bad things, and 83% of the time, whilst I was crying and scoffing black jelly beans listening to Savage Garden (wow… epic!) The combination of sweet indulgences, hybrid of emotions, a severed heart and the ability to type quicker than I censor made for some entertaining entries.
It’s interesting to think about when I resorted to the comfort of my journal- I’d say nearly all my entries were linked in some way shape or form to a boy. A boy? How pathetic of me! When did my obsession with finding a suitable man begin? ... I blame the day I turned 21. A celebration of entering adulthood, with responsibilities, goals and a reasonable idea of where I thought my life was heading... I had recently ended a three year relationship with my high school boyfriend to the devastation of my family and friends. The truth of the matter was, quite simply, that we were incompatible and the longer we spent together, the more apparent this became. Fundamentally, we valued different things and more importantly wanted different things from our lives. These things were non-negotiable. The break up was hurtful, yet liberating. We were just not right for each other, and in hindsight, it was the best decision for both of us. Although the breakup was essentially amicable, we are not friends. Nor will we ever be friends. It’s just something that I don’t do. I’m not friends with my ex boyfriends...they’ve seen me naked.
My twenty first birthday marked the beginning of a frequent and annoying occurrence... the incessant nagging from my (ethnic, slightly old-fashioned) grandparents of when I, (the eldest in the family), was going to “settle down”.
...How was I, a woman in life, supposed to get by without a man? How would I cope without a man to rely on? Didn’t I want to raise a family? ...were my grandmother’s sentiments. She continued... I was at University to meet a husband. Forget my degree, forget a career, forget independence... without a man...I am nothing! A mere and “abnormal” unfortunate spinster (+/- cats)!
Now, although I was not partial to her pleas, nor did I agree with her above remarks, deep down, like most girls, I desired to have a serious relationship. For me, commitment was not an issue (I had only had a long term relationship), and frankly, the reason why I hadn’t embarked on another relationship was due to not having found someone suitable.
So that’s where it began...the year of my 21st birthday, my active quest to find Mr. Right, in amongst a sea of Mr. Right Nows...
Fast forward two years, with my first ever overseas trip looming (sorry Nonna for continuing my independence!), I endeavoured to meet up with as many close friends and family as possible before my departure. Two days before my trip, I had found out some terrible news with regards tomy health. I was quite concerned and in an attempt to distract myself I stayed up for a good portion of the night chatting with a close friend. I was sitting discussing the most recent “Wanker” I had dated (and believe me, after I tell you the story, you’ll realise how euphemistic the description of “Wanker” is). It got us on the discussion of what is the difference between a “Mr Right Now” and a “Mr Right”.. What are the criterions? What are the deal beakers? Now, everyone is different, so naturally what is on my list of criteria will be different to yours, but I believe that for any girl who wants a life-long committed relationship (disclaimer...this is very different to a “committed” relationship...I’ll explain later), there are certain “no-nos” that every girl should know. Certain “Deal breakers” that should send you running! Unfortunately, I didn’t run from these situations, but alas, I survived to tell the tale (someone had to take one for the team!) “Mr Right now” came in a variety of different (and often deceptive) forms. Every relationship I have had to date has introduced me to a new (and in some cases, several) deal breakers.
Several years from where it all started I am writing this blog in attempt to share my experiences to save you the hassle of finding them out the hard way. You will no doubt have some of your own personal deal breakers, so definitely feel free to add them to your list... don’t be shy... this is your life long partner we’re talking about.. Not your 1st year science Biology Lab partner.
So let the introductions begin… enter Daniel…
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